The Taylor's Triumphs

The last time I wrote, I said I'd be back in a few days with another post. Well, here it is almost a month later and I'm just now getting to it. Better late than never, I guess!

We are so excited, thankful, blessed, grateful, etc., about expecting a sweet baby! I've had an ideal pregnancy. The first trimester consisted of a few queasy moments, but nothing compared to the sickness that many people experience. We found out the week of Thanksgiving that he is a boy! I kinda felt like it was a boy all along, so I wasn't real shocked when the doctor confirmed it! That day was somewhat bittersweet. We also found out there was a possible problem, as the sonographer couldn't identify his cerebellum. My doctor referred us to see a perinatologist. After a few appointments with him, we were then referred to University Medical Center in Jackson.

We went to UMC on December 30, 2009, to have a fetal MRI so they could get a closer look at Zachary's little body. Based on what they saw on the MRI, they have diagnosed Zachary with Dandy Walker Malformation. DWM is something we'd never heard of before and honestly, I wish we still knew nothing about it. However, it is a reality for us now unless God sees fit to heal Zachary from this awful syndrome.

Dandy Walker Malformation is a brain malformation involving the cerebellum and the fluid filled spaces surrounding it. Zachary's cerebellum and vermis are smaller than they should be. There is also a cystic structure in the posterior portion of his brain. Thankfully, he doesn't have any of the other abnormalities that are often associated with it. He also has a normal karyotype which indicates a better prognosis as well. Unfortunately, with Dandy Walker Malformation, the odds are often against you. At our diagnosis appointment, we were told it is "not a matter of if he'll die, but a matter of when". I don't think we heard another word after the doctor said that. Of course, only God knows if we'll bring Zachary home with us. The doctors have definitely opened our eyes to the degree of severity we're looking at, but they've recently told us to prepare to bring him home from the hospital. Zachary is measuring right on target in all areas. When we went to the doctor last week, January 27, 2010, he weighed approximately 2 lbs., 4 oz.

We've faced the reality of the situation. We have talked about his funeral, where he'll be buried, organ donation, postponed baby showers until after he's born, slacked off on fully preparing the nursery, etc. While doing all of these things, we've also been praying for complete healing. You know, that is a really difficult line to walk on. It's very hard to balance reality and hope, but we are.

I have met some new friends since we've started this journey. One in particular has answered many questions I had initially, mostly about preparing for death (not that you ever truly can be prepared). We had just met through email and yet she answered so honestly and openly. I can only hope that what we are going through right now will help us to reach out to others who are in similar situations, just as she reached out to me.

I'll leave you with one of my new favorite verses:

It's been quite some time since I've posted anything here on this blog I started. The last time I posted was at the end of April and as you may have noticed in my "About Me" section, we've had a lot going on since then.

Since April: we went on a family vacation to Yellowstone National Park, I finished my Master's degree at William Carey and graduated, we found out we are expecting a baby, David accepted the call as Minister of Music at Montgomery Baptist Church, Cloie turned 9, we celebrated our two year anniversary, we found out we're having a BOY, had a great Christmas with family and friends, and we became heartbroken once again....

These last few months have been full of change for David and me. Over the next few days, I plan to update our blog with some new posts that will explain all of these changes in more detail. I want to use my blog to document what is going on at this point in our lives.

I see that I still have a few followers of my blog and I thank you for waiting patiently for me to post something again. I'll be back soon with another post.

My new blog friend, Tiff, tagged me yesterday! How neat! I love answering these things!

We've been outside all day at our Spring Fling here at school. I dont' function very well after being in the heat and SWEATING all day, so just look over some of my answers if they're crazy!

Here's how 8 THINGS works:
- Mention the person that tagged you.
- Complete the lists of 8's.
- Tag 8 of your wonderful bloggy friends.
- Go tell them you tagged them!

During my time here in blog world, I have come across many different blogs. One of these that I now follow is Keeping Up with the Welsh's. Their youngest daughter, Bentley, is a beautiful blue-eyed baby that has the biggest smile in almost all her pictures. Bentley has a congenital heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot. She is scheduled to have open heart surgery in the next couple of months and from what I read, they don't know the actual severity until they go into surgery. I wasn't really familiar with TOF until Crystal created a post on her blog all about the actual defect. To read more about TOF please click here and you'll go directly to her post on it.

Crystal is having a give away to promote CHD awareness. So, go on over to her blog and check it out. She has some super cute items that could possibly be useful to you or to someone near and dear to you.

Another of Lizzy's favorite things these days....biting our feet and pants legs. She will bite and hold on for dear life! It's kind of funny because if she has a hold on your pants leg and you try to walk, she'll just let you drag her everywhere. She growls in her little puppy growl and holds tight!

Another love of Lizzy is laying out in the sun. She loves our sunny Spring days where she can just lay out in the grass and be lazy! She likes it even more when she and Gypsy are out there together!

Today is not a good day for me.

Today marks one year since my first-ever positive pregnancy test. What a crazy feeling that was a year ago today. I remember feelings of shock and unbelief, as well as a little relief and assurance. What a crazy mixture! I'll never forget telling David. I actually left all 3 tests that I took on the bathroom counter, so when he awoke and went in there, he'd see them. Let me just say, he never did mention them until I did. When I asked if he saw them, he simply said "well, are you?" It took him a little while to come around to the whole "I'm gonna be a daddy, again" idea. Once he did come around, oh my. We were both so excited! I fell instantly in love with that little creation inside of me. It seemed that was all I could think about. I was constantly reading my What to Expect book, and checking to see what was growing on our baby that week. I caught myself looking in the baby section when I was in a store and wondering if I would buy pink or blue one day. Although, in our hearts we really felt pink. We already had a game plan for where we'd put certain baby gear items in our home. We had dreams for our baby. We just knew she'd be born with very little hair, eventually have David's brown eyes and complexion, and have a few curls on her head by her first birthday. She was due on December 4, 2008, but we figured she'd probably make her appearance a little closer to Thanksgiving. We'd love on our little girl her first Christmas morning. Our hearts would be bursting with love and joy, rather than tears during that Christmas season.

I never dreamed that we would only have 3 1/2 weeks of enjoying that little life. I guess there was always that possibility of miscarriage somewhere in the back of my mind, but I think we all have the "it won't happen to us" thoughts also. Those days after we found out were some of the darkest days of my life. I wouldn't change them though. That was the plan God had for us. He allowed us a brief time with that precious baby, so I could see how precious life really is. My eyes were opened a little wider because of our loss. If it's in God's plan for us to experience pregnancy again, not one second of it will be taken for granted.

So, today isn't that great, but tomorrow I'll be better.