Today
3/29/2009 04:27:00 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
Today is not a good day for me.
Today marks one year since my first-ever positive pregnancy test. What a crazy feeling that was a year ago today. I remember feelings of shock and unbelief, as well as a little relief and assurance. What a crazy mixture! I'll never forget telling David. I actually left all 3 tests that I took on the bathroom counter, so when he awoke and went in there, he'd see them. Let me just say, he never did mention them until I did. When I asked if he saw them, he simply said "well, are you?" It took him a little while to come around to the whole "I'm gonna be a daddy, again" idea. Once he did come around, oh my. We were both so excited! I fell instantly in love with that little creation inside of me. It seemed that was all I could think about. I was constantly reading my What to Expect book, and checking to see what was growing on our baby that week. I caught myself looking in the baby section when I was in a store and wondering if I would buy pink or blue one day. Although, in our hearts we really felt pink. We already had a game plan for where we'd put certain baby gear items in our home. We had dreams for our baby. We just knew she'd be born with very little hair, eventually have David's brown eyes and complexion, and have a few curls on her head by her first birthday. She was due on December 4, 2008, but we figured she'd probably make her appearance a little closer to Thanksgiving. We'd love on our little girl her first Christmas morning. Our hearts would be bursting with love and joy, rather than tears during that Christmas season.
I never dreamed that we would only have 3 1/2 weeks of enjoying that little life. I guess there was always that possibility of miscarriage somewhere in the back of my mind, but I think we all have the "it won't happen to us" thoughts also. Those days after we found out were some of the darkest days of my life. I wouldn't change them though. That was the plan God had for us. He allowed us a brief time with that precious baby, so I could see how precious life really is. My eyes were opened a little wider because of our loss. If it's in God's plan for us to experience pregnancy again, not one second of it will be taken for granted.
So, today isn't that great, but tomorrow I'll be better.
Today marks one year since my first-ever positive pregnancy test. What a crazy feeling that was a year ago today. I remember feelings of shock and unbelief, as well as a little relief and assurance. What a crazy mixture! I'll never forget telling David. I actually left all 3 tests that I took on the bathroom counter, so when he awoke and went in there, he'd see them. Let me just say, he never did mention them until I did. When I asked if he saw them, he simply said "well, are you?" It took him a little while to come around to the whole "I'm gonna be a daddy, again" idea. Once he did come around, oh my. We were both so excited! I fell instantly in love with that little creation inside of me. It seemed that was all I could think about. I was constantly reading my What to Expect book, and checking to see what was growing on our baby that week. I caught myself looking in the baby section when I was in a store and wondering if I would buy pink or blue one day. Although, in our hearts we really felt pink. We already had a game plan for where we'd put certain baby gear items in our home. We had dreams for our baby. We just knew she'd be born with very little hair, eventually have David's brown eyes and complexion, and have a few curls on her head by her first birthday. She was due on December 4, 2008, but we figured she'd probably make her appearance a little closer to Thanksgiving. We'd love on our little girl her first Christmas morning. Our hearts would be bursting with love and joy, rather than tears during that Christmas season.
I never dreamed that we would only have 3 1/2 weeks of enjoying that little life. I guess there was always that possibility of miscarriage somewhere in the back of my mind, but I think we all have the "it won't happen to us" thoughts also. Those days after we found out were some of the darkest days of my life. I wouldn't change them though. That was the plan God had for us. He allowed us a brief time with that precious baby, so I could see how precious life really is. My eyes were opened a little wider because of our loss. If it's in God's plan for us to experience pregnancy again, not one second of it will be taken for granted.
So, today isn't that great, but tomorrow I'll be better.
1 comments:
I am so sorry you had to go through something like that.. I will say a special prayer for you!
Thank you so much for you comment. I absolutely LOVE it. It is at the top of the list for sure!!
Prayers being sent your way!
Post a Comment